Almighty Thor (Secret Santa Review)

 

Hmm.....Thor is toting a machine gun?!

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Almighty Thor

Before I start this review, I gotta say, I didn’t think I’d been THIS naughty this year. Cause the DAMR Secret Santa took a big ol’ poop in my stocking, let me tell ya!

I have, on my own blog, a catagory called “What Has Been Seen Cannot Be Unseen”. Only two films, Cabin Fever 2 and Vampires Suck, have been allocated to this catagory so far, which is a label intended for those films which are simply irredeamable on any level. Absolute rubbish. Devoid of charm. Total crap.

Almighty Thor makes those two films look good.

The Asylum, a film studio speciallizing in making “mockbusters” are responsible for this turgid piece of straight to DVD/Syfy crap. For those who haven’t had the pleasure(?) of watching an Asylum film before, let me fill you in on their MO.

Take a blockbuster that is due to be released, then make a film that cashes in on the free publicity, using the least ammount of money, time and acting talent as humanly possible. Transmorphers. The Day The Earth Stopped. Snakes On A Train. The Asylum have vommited out these and other equally awful films in recent years, making serious bank in the process.

I’ve actually watched Transmorphers and Snake On A Train in full, and also watched parts of the other films I mentioned above, so had an idea of how bad I thought Almighty Thor was going to be. And boy, was it bad. Really bad.

The actors wander around spouting laughable dialogue. The CG, as with all of The Asylum’s films, is beyond terrible. TV shows have better effects work then this heap of garbage. And the acting… Jesus.

Cody Deal’s Thor whines like Luke Skywalker in A New Hope, so much so you want to see him get brutally slain by Richard Greco’s Loki, quickly, so you can be put out of my misery as soon as possible. Cody Deal’s Thor also uses a machine pistol at one point. Yup, I said machine pistol. And he shouts, alot. And he has a magic jacket with a magic pocket he can put his big carboard hammer into when he doesn’t need it.

There are times when this sort of film amuses me, when they are done right. Syfy in particular, on which I watched this film, do cheap, awfully acted films all the time. Sharktopus is a particular favourite of mine. But Almighty Thor didn’t go it for me, on any level. It lacked that knowing wink that I need in my modern “B-Movie”.